I was digging into some old Drop Box files and found this speech I did at Toastmasters back in the Cenozoic era. There’s still a lot of truth to this, especially concerning personal development. If you are trying to change the world however (my homeless initiative) then you need to yell from every single mountain top.
I want to see a show of hands of those who made New Year’s resolutions this year. Keep your
hands up if you shared those goals with someone else. Each New Year brings new hope that
THIS will be the year we get organized, lose weight or cross something off our bucket list. For
many people their self-improvement journey ENDS with the announcement of what they intend
to do.
Today I am going to turn the tables on the general wisdom of goal setting and motivation. We’ve
all heard that we should tell everyone we know what our goals are. The thinking is that people
close to us will help keep us honest and motivated when we encounter the inevitable challenges
along the way. Well I can make a case that there are some things wrong with that strategy.
First, maybe you shouldn’t even have a goal…or at least look at goal setting from a different
angle. Why shouldn’t you have a goal? Because it’s too easy to not follow thru. Every one of us
has made a list of things we hoped to accomplish and more times than not, nothing changes. At
best we write the goal down, but the plan to get there is so complex and overwhelming we give
up. Worst case, we don’t even write down our goal and never think about it after January, 1st.
Maybe there’s a better way to keep those New Year’s resolutions. What if you basically forgot
about your goal and instead focused on ONE little element of what needs to be done. Let me
give you an example, say you’ve decided to set a goal of losing 20 pounds. What’s the typical
strategy? You promise yourself you’re going to work and start eating better…both of which will
be a shock to your system. A better idea might be to focus on just one of those strategies and
come up with a “no exceptions” policy.
You might decide that you will work out each day after work…NO MATTER WHAT! Your car goes
straight from work to the gym. You’re tired…too bad there’s no exceptions. There’s a meeting
with your kid’s teacher tonight…tell the family they are on their own for dinner. You have to do
squats and tricep pushdowns before heading to school.
If you’ve never worked out before and then consistently do so a few times a week…without
making any other changes to your life…you’re going to lose weight! You know what? After a
couple weeks of not missing a workout…driving straight to the gym after work will become your
new routine. THEN you can tackle another element.
Maybe you start making your own lunch instead of eating out every day. The point is, you are not focused on a goal with all these different moving parts. The ONLY THING you have to worry about is not missing a workout.
The second flaw with a lot of New Year’s resolutions is that we tell everyone around us what our
new goal is for the year. Maybe you should keep your self-improvement plans to yourself. The
problem with announcing your goals is often the response you get from your friends and family
gives you enough of a “rush” that you don’t feel the need to actually carry thru with your plan.
There’s actually research dating back to the 1920s that back this up. Several researchers called it
a “social reality, where your mind is tricked you into thinking you’ve already done it. Think about
that…if you’ve felt the satisfaction from telling people your big goal…it often means you are less
likely to follow thru and do the hard work necessary to accomplish your goal.
It’s important to make goals and promises to yourself, not for anyone else. You’ll feel more
satisfied if you are able to tell others about your success rather than your intention to do
something.
What would be more exciting…telling someone you are going to lose 20 pounds or
write a book (Wow! Who knew 20 years later!) or announcing, “Hey guess what? I’ve lost 12 pounds in the last 6 weeks.” or “I just
turned in a manuscript to my publisher.” You KNOW your audience will be a lot more excited to
hear what you did as opposed to what you intend to do.
This might be controversial but I believe negative motivation is a great tool to use when you’ve decided NOT to share your goal. Instead
of thinking how great you’ll feel when you lose that weight…think about how lousy you’ll feel
when you can’t fit into those old jeans or wear that old sports coat you like so much.
As with most theories…there are exceptions. If you’ve been religious about following thru on
your annual goals then I’ve probably bored you the past 4 minutes. But if you are constantly
talking about the same goal year in and year out with nothing ever really changing…then try
keeping your aspirations to yourself; figure out the ONE THING you could do that would jump
start your journey and think about how bad you’ll feel if you don’t accomplish your goal.
Finally, If that doesn’t work, go get a gallon of chocolate ice cream! Sometimes short-term
rushes ARE better!